First let me say that my prayers are with the family, especially the children of Kim Porter. She passed away a few days ago at the age of 47. Her smile lit up every photo and her sweet spirit entered a room before she did. Those are words I’ve seen many, many, many people posting about her even before her death. I’ve always enjoyed seeing photos of Kim with her family, especially those with her four children and the other children who were like surrogate kids to her that were birthed by her lifelong long, Sean “Diddy” Combs. He himself has called her his soulmate and I truly believe that. They may not have made it work as a monogamous couple, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t the kind of love between them that many long to have even a small portion of in their lives.
As I’ve been reading posts and comments about Kim, I’ve noticed, mostly black women, have commented that they find it disrespectful to call Kim a baby mother, mother of Diddy’s children, so on and so on along those lines. They are angry that there isn’t more of a focus on who she was, a model, an actress. I don’t feel that way. Though I agree that Kim was an actress and a beautiful model, I believe what she wanted to be known for most was her love for her four children. That is evident in every picture she took with them, in every statement she made publicly where she always spoke first of her love and dedication to her children. That is what I admired about her most. Yes, with her beauty, she was magic in front of any camera – just look at photos of her. The movie and photo camera loved her. What I believe she took pride in most was how she balanced loving not just her children, Quincy, Christian, D’lilah and Jessie James, but also Justin and Chance, children he had with other women. No one knows how hard or easy accepting other children into the fold is, but she rocked it, even if some of it was for the cameras, which I do not believe. I believe in her heart, she genuinely loved children, even those that were not hers.
I don’t think it’s disrespectful for the way some people want to remember her is that she was the mother of four beautiful children before they throw out credit for the ‘work’ she achieved and accomplished in life. She didn’t put anything, movies, modeling, etc, before her children. She made sure she was their biggest and most visible supporter in anything they wanted to do. She cared for, loved, adored, cherished, doted on, treasured and gave them the spotlight over her taking the spotlight. There can be no doubt that her kids were her first and only priority and that should be praised. I saw a post that asked people wouldn’t you want to be remembered for more than just being someone’s mother or the mother of someone’s children? That’s a large question to ponder, but ponder it, I did and here is my take on my own life and how I want to be remembered:
I love that I’ve done some incredible things in my life so far and I pray that God grants me the chance to continue to build on those things. A week ago, I celebrated 30 years on my job and I have been proud of the work I’ve done over the years, especially my work in doing my part to see that Medicare beneficiaries get the resources they need in order to live good, healthy lives. I am most proud of my Medicare Fee For Service work. I’ve turned myself into an author of, at this moment, 40 romance novels which include, sweet romance, steamy romance and erotic novels (these no one even knows I have these because they are under a pen name), 2 inspiration novels and 5 compilation projects. I’m working on script writing for television and movies. I’ve started my own independent book publishing company. I’ve founded a non-profit which I will finally stand up the way it should be later next year with a kickoff gala in August 2019. I have material things, I travel and plan to do a lot more. I’ve become someone who is now on other people’s radar when it comes to my take on writing and publishing books. I’m spending a lot of time honing that craft and I see the benefits day after day. I hope to one day be what one of my friends calls, “ShondaRhimes2.0”. I love that she calls me that and it makes me proud that friends see my potential. All that and so much more is great, but it’s not what’s important to me. What is you ask?
There is this song that goes, “may the work I’ve done, speak for me.” I have always loved the lyrics and I love that small passage. I look at the work I’ve done as the work in looking after my parents and having a heart to help someone else. I am not perfect and I’m far, far from it. There are days where I am ashamed to admit I still carry hate in my heart for certain things and certain people, but God tells me that He’s glad I’m open to allowing Him to work on me in that area of my life. I’ve come a long, long way, but God is not through with me yet. I haven’t always been the best daughter or the best mother and there were times I don’t even think I was trying to be. I was selfish and only wanted what was best for me. I’m so glad my thoughts and priorities changed and as I said, God has His work cut out, but He’s done great things in my life that have made me take a second, third and fourth look at what is most important.
Getting back to that question of what is it I would like to be remembered for one day. It’s not if I publish a hundred novels, go on to write major network movies or television shows or one day win some of the biggest honors in the entertainment industry. It’s not that I gave many, many years as a public servant or that I had more material things than I needed. How I want my obituary to be crafted has nothing to do with any of that. I want the only words to be that my parents knew how much I loved them because my priority is making sure they’re good. When God said, ‘ honor thy mother and thy father’, He meant that and I stand on that every single day. When people speak of me, I want them to say that I was the daughter of John and Barbara, the mother of Chynae, sister of Brian and John, III. I want them to say that I dedicated a large portion of my life to them. When pictures are shown of me, I want them to be of me with family, smiling and having a good time. I don’t want shots of awards or pictures of book covers or anything that dives into achievements that have nothing to do with my love for my family.
I understand some women who say that Kim Porter was much more than a mother to her children and she should be know for more than being the once love of Sean “Diddy” Comb’s life, but I believe she would love to be known for both of those before anyone worried about what her career was. Not everyone is worried about fame and fortune and making sure people associate your name with that. If that is what makes the world go round for some people, then I say do you, but don’t think for a second that if Kim was asked how she would like to be remembered first and foremost, she wouldn’t smile with that big bright smile she was known for, look at each of her children, including the bonus children, gleam over a Diddy and then tell the world, her desire is to be remembered for the woman who gave life to four beautiful children who will always know that even when she’s not around, she loved them with everything in her and before they remember anything else about her, remember her love for them was her priority.
I celebrate you Kim because your children will live their lives knowing your love, support and devotion to them is why they will one day, after they cry and mourn until their hearts are full, smile and laugh at the good fun times. They will look at pictures and remember every second of their lives because you made sure it was captured. They will forever miss you, but you live on in each one of them. You taught them what it meant to love and to do it unconditionally because that’s how you loved them. I’m happy that when I see stories about you, they say that you were the devoted, loving mother of four before they say anything else. There are so many children who wished they had parents who showed you the kind of love you showed your children. Take our rest knowing you loved so openly that people will flock around your children to make sure they will never be without the kind of hugs and kisses you bestowed on them without caring who was looking.
One day, I want someone to say that outside of everything I may have accomplished, my parents, my daughter and my brothers knew that I loved them and I would do anything in this world in order to keep a smile on their faces. Family first, everything else is secondary.